As If Every Moment Were To Be Stolen From Us
by sctwilightvampwolfgal
Summary: Lithuania had never considered himself to be as human as he now felt. *Very slight historical references.* *Inspired off of Day Two of AmeLiet Week 2017.*


The snow pelted through the air and left the outside world sprinkled with its debris in the worst kind of way.

Alfred's coat was yet again far too big for Toris with the tan sleeves that dusted his wrists as he stared mostly outside and tried to ignore the steady breaths of the man beside him.

All Toris wanted to do was really walk the distance to his house from Alfred's and not be forced to wait out a blizzard as Alfred watched him with bated breaths as if somehow Toris was the most interesting and possibly confusing man in the world.

He sighed and shifted, watching the coat pool around him, and wondered for the millionth time why the weather here had to be so unpredictable as it had previously been warm.

"Toris, why won't you say anything?" The words came out like blunt knives on skin as if Alfred truly didn't know why.

He'd grown used to the cold after many long years under the rocky terrain of politicians that weren't from his land and from the many freezing winters that a fire could never stave away.

"Don't you know?" Suddenly, Toris was reminded of the tears that his best friend had often refused to shed as if Toris was much more important than the wounds of a shifting world.

He wanted that; he wanted Alfred to care just as much despite the sharp yet warm pangs that hit his heart so often at the thought.

"Is it because of Natalya?" He asked as if life for a nation were so simple and as if sometimes things weren't marked by the harsh realities of the world.

"No." A part of it was, a small human part, had felt betrayed by Alfred's relationship with Natalya and the things that Lithuania had seen that day.

There was an element of defeat to that as if Toris was still young as if his world was falling apart around him as if Alfred had never done enough for him.

He wished that he could play it off as the cold weather outside, but he'd always been too old for excuses.

Toris knew that Alfred had tried, but yet a part of him reminded him always of the cold days when he felt weaker than he'd ever admit to.

He wished that he could blame it all away and lock the bad away with fragments of good memories, but Toris wasn't immune to human weaknesses.

Lithuania shifted and watched the way snow fell as if it always had some motive so much more than to fall sometimes harshly to the ground and kiss it as it landed with soft blows.

"Did I do something wrong?" The American shifted as if everything in him could change for a single moment and cured Toris's pain and past regrets.

"Not really." He found himself feeling as if there was a secret to be kept by his guarded actions even though he knew that he could speak up, tell him of the very human ways that even nations can lose themselves to.

"I want to make things better if I can." Alfred insisted and leaned closer as if his skin didn't still smell of her as if he'd always be the one to save Toris from his inner thoughts and perhaps any dark moment.

Nations couldn't be as fickle as that however.

Toris longed to escape, to just simply walk out of the door, and never return again.

He instead gave Alfred a look and muttered, "You can't fix everything."  
Lithuania moved to the door and yet still couldn't see past the blizzard to escape and feel more at home than his nerves had felt in hours.

"If I do something wrong, you have to let me know." Alfred had always been physically stronger and more impulsive than Toris ever was as he felt the American close in and kiss his forehead tenderly.

"You can't, do that." 'Not when I can still see you kissing her as if she was everything to you.'

"I won't apologize for that, but I hope that you feel better soon." Alfred muttered and stepped away, and Toris wondered for perhaps the millionth time whether Alfred wore his heart on his sleeve.

* * *

Toris watched his friend relax as if the movie on screen was just another perfect moment of joy yet they both knew that even brief hints of their pasts could reopen old wounds.

It didn't feel as strange as Toris expected it to to sit down right beside him and lean into that always so steady embrace.

He barely hears Alfred's mutter of, "It didn't feel right to hold her and not you."  
It shouldn't warm up Toris's heart, but it does.

A part of him marvels over whether he's more human than nation deep down; he leans closer to Alfred and works to hide his smile anyway.

Toris will probably always hold onto the misplaced guilt as he stares at a leather jacket, so much warm than the big tan one despite covering someone else's torso.

He does debate over whether nations would ever remember their history in clear cut formulas pulled straight from personal moments like this.

Toris still can't forget that snow filled night as he cuddles closer to Alfred as if secretly; after all, he'd realized that the two people that he kind of liked seemed to like each other more than him for even a moment.

He wonders if he'll ever see Alfred outside of that moment if they were ever to become something more like he longs for and always had even a sliver of hope for.

His best friend seems to think so yet Toris worries over the images sealed shut behind closed eyes as he watches his other best friend, Alfred, more than he watches the older film that he knew that they might have enjoyed behind any of the referenced historical moments that cut deep.

Toris though can't help smiling as he stares at Alfred, capturing the ocean blue of his eyes in his memory, and the bright sunshine of his hair as if this will be his last moment to savor it before it becomes too late for them.


End file.
